He Is More

I am numb and completely devastated. I roar because my heart’s in turmoil. Psalm 38:8

I’ve seen and known God to be so many things in my life. Counselor, Friend, Savior, and more… I thought I knew Him. Then my mother died decades before it was time.

I was so angry with God. Like a child who has sobbed and thrown a massive tantrum I finally slumped next to Him in an exhausted heap of hurt and confusion. And there I’ve sat for weeks. And as I’ve leaned on Him in new ways He has proven Himself to be everything I need. He’s answered prayers before I thought to pray them. He is bigger than I knew. How did I forget that? He’s more. He’s so much more than I remembered or ever knew.

I wish you joy. I wish you MORE.

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It is Well

I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. -Psalm 6:6

My mom died. This is not a journey I wanted to take. It’s awful and messy and heartbreaking and devastating. And through it all, He sits with me. Through the worst time of my life, I feel and see Him so clearly. I feel held, cherished, protected, and so loved.

Through the storm I am held.

Daddy God assures me all is well. Mom is safe, healthy, happy. I will see her again.

It is Well” is currently on my playlist. I wish you joy in the midst of your struggle and heartache.

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At His Feet

My mom died. I still can’t quite believe it. Have you seen those movies where a terrible battle has taken place? In the end there is rubble…there is nothing. It’s quiet, bleak, and barren. That’s how it seemed to us. Everything changed that awful Tuesday night.

But God. Through it all, God has been with me. In fact, God’s fingerprints have been all over this journey -from my sudden decision to retire early to Mom’s illness to today. Through every confusing, painful moment, God has shown up and scattered joy in my path. One of the best things to come from this heartbreak is it knocked me from the shabby throne I’d built myself alongside His. I was knocked to the ground and found myself at His feet. And I never want to leave that Holy Place.

I marvel at His ability to shine light in dark places, to sow joy, peace, and hope, and to bring beauty out of devastation.

I wish you His Joy in your journey!

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Pockets of Joy

Pockets of Joy- I have no idea if someone used this phrase around me or if the Holy Spirit just dropped it in my soul, but it resonates with me. I started using it as we planned Mom’s funeral. For while experiencing grief like I’ve never known, I also experienced the sweetest moments of undiluted joy, a much needed respite. At every bitter turn we were met with a blessing, a kind word, a delightful surprise.

The last two months have been a blur of activity, tears, new experiences, grief, laughter, and many, many pockets of joy. As my blog (Muchjoytoyou) might suggest, I’m rather obsessed with joy.

I’ve found as I recognize, revel in, and appreciate these moments they multiply. I’m in awe of what God has done in my life since Mom passed. It’s true, you know… times like these reveal the true treasures in your life. You learn who is there for you and who to let go. You appreciate kind people so much. You stop caring about the petty things of life. You lean on Daddy God in new ways. You learn tears are beautiful.

My pockets of joy have included a very special Christmas tree, episodes of Frasier shared with my family at Christmas, a friend’s FB post, beginning a bible in a year plan, kind people on the telephone as I closed mom’s accounts, my closest friends listening to my nonsensical babbling, laughter, my husband’s hugs and many acts of service, taking a family tradition/meal to mom’s grave, a book from a stranger, sweet and funny texts, snow. And the list goes on. God has dropped joy into my life every day since mom went to be with Him.

I am firmly held in the loving embrace of my Father. It is well. It is well with my soul.

I wish you many pockets of joy in your day! Check out one of my current favorite songs for my quiet time. We played this at mom’s funeral.

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