I Have Nothing to Say

“When you have nothing to say, say nothing.” – Charles Caleb Colton 

I have missed blogging, but I’ve had nothing to say. If you know me you know that’s rare!

I’ve recently come out of an interesting drought season. Thankfully, it was fairly brief. God is so good to give me brief glimpses into things. This time I got to glimpse depression. It’s horrible. And now I can better empathize with and pray for my people who suffer with it. How does one adequately describe the nothingness? How can I paint a picture of the heaviness, the emptiness, the hopelessness? I was angry with God as it seemed my faith and beliefs were disassembled before me. I struggled with reaching out for prayer. I don’t know why.  Fortunately, a few close to me saw that something was very wrong. They prayed. And I am back to myself. 

So, how did I come out so quickly? I don’t know. But a few thoughts I have if (when!!) you go through a drought season.

  • Cry out to God. He’s still there, whether you “feel” it or not. You can tell Him anything. I promise His love can handle  you crying, pouting, and ranting.
  • Find a trusted someone to pray you through.
  • Find a scripture that gives you hope and meditate on it day and night.
  • Do something for someone else.
  • Eat right, sleep, and get some exercise.
  • Allow others to help you.
  • Search your heart…is there a sin issue?

In my case I realized (Everyone in my life knew it, but I hadn’t seen it!!) there was.  I had an idol. I still struggle with it. My idol? It’s my job. I gave my first, best, and all to it. You see, I  teach. I love it. But I’ve realized a few things in the 20+ years I’ve taught. There is always more I could do.  I’m never done (until June… and even then I’m training, reading, pinning, and worrying about my kids). It demands everything from me. It’s physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. I’m asked to do the impossible. On the plus side, there is no greater joy than to work with precious seven and eight year olds. I fall in love with each kid and delight in sharing life with these babies.  I get a high from every aha moment and success each kid has. Sometimes I actually DO the impossible. And I know that I am making a difference.  It’s pretty heady stuff. Maybe you can see why it’s been an idol.

The Word says that idols become dangerous…snares and traps. (Psalm 106:36)

Pass! I want to live free.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and praying. I know I’ve been a good teacher and I want to continue to be one, but not at the expense of my true identity: Jesus Girl. I need to be a better wife, daughter, and friend as well. I’d appreciate your prayers. I’m praying for balance and better priorities these days. I’m making progress, but I backslide some. I spent most of  Saturday working.  (And y’all…I’m not alone. This is how many teachers roll.) But I know God is faithful and He will show me better ways to manage my  workload. He already is! He seems to delight in giving me amazing ideas in the shower. It’s probably the only place he has my complete, undivided attention.

So, there it is. I’m recovering from idol worship.  I’m free of the nothingness that helped me learn I had an idol. And this I know: God is good.

How about you? What are your struggles with depression, with idols, with balance?

Today, more than ever, I wish you MUCH joy! 

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2 thoughts on “I Have Nothing to Say

  1. Jewels, I am here for ya! And I can totally understand! I think I’m headed in that direction, but in a different way! I will be praying for you, but please be praying for me! I feel the need to go back on my antidepressants, and I really don’t like them! They scare me, they are expensive, and I just don’t want that kind of “not being in control” kind of feeling! I know God is the ultimate healer, and essentially I want Him in control, but I’m feeling more alone and empty and somewhat afraid…afraid of failure, afraid of who I am or becoming, and totally scared! There are days I wish I just had 20 minutes of reflection…10 minutes is not near enough time! 😢
    Thank you for your words! Love u…D

    Liked by 1 person

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