I’m no expert on loss, but I’ve experienced it on various levels and I’ve come to some conclusions.
1. It’s an individual thing. Please don’t criticize how we choose to grieve.
2. Don’t be afraid to mention the person we are grieving. We are well aware they are gone, and they are anything but forgotten.
3. Please don’t tell us we are selfish to wish they were here. We know someone in pain is far better off in Heaven, but we -selfishly- want them here with us. We miss them and are still adjusting to our new normal.
4. Please don’t tell us you know how we feel. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t. We know you’re trying to help, but it’s not helpful to say this.
5. Let us know you love us, are praying for us, and care about us.
6. Remind us of wonderful times or funny memories with our loved one.
7. Pray for us.
8. Bring us a meal or gift card to a restaurant that delivers. Or take us out for coffee or a manicure.
9. Don’t forget us after the funeral. Our grieving is really just beginning after that. We’ve been running on adrenaline until then. After the funeral, it starts to sink in. It’s real. And it hurts.
10. Know us and understand our personalities . I have a friend who wanted, needed me to mention her mom every time we got together. I have another who preferred to be the one to bring up her sister. I truly try to accommodate both. I so want to be a blessing and comfort.
Please feel free to share your tips in the comments. As always, I wish you much joy!